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Joke of the Day

"[thoughts of person talking to me]: He's furrowing his brow, he must really be listening! [my brain]: How do cows make cheese"

"What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs there's still a greasy box to put your bone in."

"I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me ""you know Hitler was also a vegetarian"" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing"

"The average person loses their virginity at 17. Congratulations you are above average."

"What do you call an alligator that always starts fights? An instigator!"

"Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?"

"I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again"

"Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident."

"What is the difference between an epileptic oyster farmer and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks while he fits and the other one...."

"I was going to make my friend some spaghetti... But sadly he pasta whey!"