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Joke of the Day

"Tell me Jeeves, are lemons tweeting? -No,sir. -Well, it seems I squeezed the canary in my tea again."

"Man goes to a Doctor. ""Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts"" ""Does it burn?"" ""I don't know, I've never tried to set fire to it"""

"You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse."

"I've only been in jail for 5 minutes and I've already been raped. ... My uncle doesn't fuck around when he plays Monopoly."

"What do you call it when two hobbits are involved in a footrace that is too close to call A Frodo-finish"

"Shout out to anyone who is wondering what the opposite of in is."

"Son, your chimpanzee girlfriend is tearing this family apart."

"Why are Christians so bad at Trigonometry ? They're afraid of sin"

"Potheads must have been disappointed with Jurassic Park... 'Cause there's no grass."

"Cool puppy. What's his name? ""Patches"" Aww, that's a cute name. Because he has those spots? ""Nah...it's cause he's trying to quit smoking"""