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Joke of the Day

"Man goes to a Doctor. ""Every time I attempt to pass water it hurts"" ""Does it burn?"" ""I don't know, I've never tried to set fire to it"""

"Mike Tyson Mysteries is on Netflix now... Episode 1: case of the missing ear."

"I saw a chameleon today... ...guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon. *I submitted this joke a few years ago, I'm reposting myself (which was originally also a repost)*"

"Why did the anorexic cow take great offense when the farmer wished him Merry Christmas? ...because he was a moo-slim."

"Q: What do you get if you cross Tina Turner with an orang-utan? A: a f*ing ugly orang-utan"

"Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space."

"There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system."

"ME: [at a party] hey! wanna come back to my place and- GIRL: hook up? sure! ME: [sadly putting away two Yu-Gi-Oh! decks] oh. awesome"

"He sees you when you're sleeping,he knows when you're awake A date with Bill Cosby"

"Me: Would you have a minute to speak about my lord and savior, nachos supreme? Her: Sir, for the last time just tell me your order."