51805

Joke of the Day

"A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor says to him ""you need to stop masturbating."" The man asks ""why?"" The doctor replies ""because i'm trying to examine you."""

"Someone on my street has taken up the clarinet, which has inspired me to take up the sniper rifle..."

"Funny how shampoo bottles weigh like, 2 pounds in real life, but when dropped in the shower they turn into a meteor."

"Why was the turkey (bird) named after the country? Because fuck you that's why"

"Did you hear about the opera singing monk? He took a vow of Pavarotti."

"mmmm This chocolate speaks my language. Or it would, if it weren't being eaten. So. I guess it's probably horrified-screaming my language."

"I guarantee you, this is a joke Donald Trump"

"How does Davy Crockett take his pie? A'lamode"

"I won't be impressed with science until I can download a waffle."

"I feel like a tampon... In the right place... at the wrong time.."