5156

Joke of the Day

"This third bottle of wine has turned everything into a microphone."

"Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside."

"Two condoms walk past a gay bar one turns to the other and says ""hey, wanna go in there and get shitfaced""?"

"What does the dead comedian cook with? Deadpan"

"*walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy."

"(Physics) What's a physicists favourite graph? A Van De Graaff."

"Who poisoned the waters in the 2016 Olympics? It was I, **RIO**!!!"

"Wouldn't mind having a bonus hole that fireworks shot out of when I got confused."

"Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, ""We should really go see that together."""

"Use this to start a conversation with a stranger. ""On a hot day nothing feels more relaxing then butt chugging a slushy. Say, do you have a funnel?"""