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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside."

"If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact."

"""How much for this remote controlled alien?"" ""Sir, that's Stephen Hawking."""

"Who is that walking up my driveway?! Anxiety in 3...2...1... [knock, knock] *sigh* ""WAIT A SECOND!"" *mumbles* ""I need to find pants."""

"Why was 8 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender"

"I'm trying to initiate a neighborhood watch program but the damn neighbors keep closing their blinds."

"SHOW ME A PHOTO OF YOUR INFANT I WILL SHOW YOU 20 OF MY CAT"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? You breathe through *that*?"

"I hate those Babushka dolls... ...they're so full of themselves!"

"What's the difference between U-Haul and Youtube? People are'nt happy for you when you get loads of hits on your U-Haul."