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Joke of the Day

"Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?"

"If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner."

"I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry."

"Why do u wanna work at Burger King? *imagines killing the Burger King & taking my rightful place as king* ""I haven't taken my meds in weeks"""

"TIFU by walking into the class of the wrong substitute teacher Whoops, wrong sub."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Mormons."

"Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. I don't have 2020 vision, guys."

"I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot"

"Atheists are like a broken pencil They're missing the point"