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Joke of the Day

"University.... Close to being unemployed but with your parents still being proud of you"

"In high school they called me donkey dick. I got that name because... it was short for Donald Keith Richards."

"what is Mozart doing now? decomposing"

"Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A. He was feeling crummy!"

"*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?' Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'"

"ME: Where are the posters? WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! [In other room] *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*"

"My mf kid poured a bag of Cheerios crumbs in my bed like she saw the horse head in godfather and thought I can beat that"

"Did you hear the one about the Seahawk who wouldn't stop talking? He kept beating a dead horse."

"A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds ""Wife Wanted"". The next day, he received 1000 of replies, all reading: ""You can have mine."" Free delivery also available at your door step"

"I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a mirror."