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Joke of the Day

"Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal."

"""Do you know how fast you were going?"" 75 in a 55. I'm sorry officer. ""Get out of the car."" *Cop cuddles driver* ""Stop doing this. I worry."""

"What is spidermas favourite type of rice Uncle Ben's"

"How do you milk an almond?"

"If the opposite of Pro is Con... What's the opposite of Progress?"

"Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments? Because they were for test porpoise only"

"How does Father Christmas request a four-way at a brothel? Ho ho ho"

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree onto you it will probably kill you? A pool table. (*)"

"My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO. Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas."

"I watched an Indian weapon dancing ritual today It was pretty Sikh."