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Joke of the Day

"it's party time let's dance !"

"An american walks into InternetIsBeautiful. [Removed because he isn't an interactive solar system map]"

"[4 strangers are smearing their bodily fluids on each other] [one turns to camera] ""There has to be a better way."" VOICEOVER: ""Hot tubs."""

"I like my Thanksgiving turkey like I like my own ass On the dining room table, with my family gathered round, and with my grandmum's fists in it pulling out the stuffing."

"What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!"

"ME: *does entire national anthem with armpit farts* WIFE: see what I mean? THERAPIST: Mmmhmm *writes in notes: ""she's nuts. This guy rules*"

"*co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit ""close door"" button* *I miss, hit ""open door""* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course"

"Why was it so hot in the stadium after the game? Because all the fans left"

"My neighbour finally confronted me about clothes missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants."

"Why are Suicide Bombers always angry ? Because of their Short Fuses."