50415

Joke of the Day

"When you get pulled over by a cop... A cop pulled me over and said ""Papers..."" So I said ""Scissors!"" and drove off ; )"

"A girl asks her boyfriend if she's put on weight recently. He says ""no!"" and then has a seizure. He goes to the doctor. Diagnostic: convulsive liar."

"What's the most popular pub in the Middle East? The Allahu ak-Bar"

"Two guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks."

"Sometimes i feel like the flat bread option at subway because I'm always available but no one ever wants me to hang out with"

"Water polo was invented After a particularly heated game of ICE Hockey"

"I always hear voices when I go for a poo. Shitzophrenia."

"I had a vasectomy today, and my wife keeps asking how I feel... I've had to tell her over and over that it's not that bad, and that I don't notice much of a vas deferens."

"I lost my kidneys when I turned 18 My knees are 100% adult now!"

"[mom sneaks up & scares son; ruins coloring] Narrator: Does this happen to u? Then u need... [cut to mom jumping on 1 foot & yelling] Legos"