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Joke of the Day

"What do you call your girlfriend after a tough workout? Sorbet"

"Emoji: because sometimes a chicken, the Spanish flag, and a lesbian couple is the only way to express how you really feel."

"It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life."

"Did you hear about the two horses? They were in a stable relationship... ...but one of them had an extra mareital affair."

"Guy in the club: *lifts up his shirt* I do 400 crunches a day. Me: How many more until you get a personality?"

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"

"[1st date] Would it be odd if someone brought their cat on a date? Her: Very, what's in the box? Nothing, waiter cancel that can of tuna"

"Everyone tells me I hold grudges just like my dad. They say I'm a chip on the old shoulder."

"What do you call a crushed angle? A rektangle."

"Why does George Bush not know how to read? Because he was a stupid twat who should have never become president."