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Joke of the Day

"as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money"

"Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . ."

"Based on the amount of animal hair, clinging to your t-shirt, I'm going to pass on your homemade cookies, thank you."

"""Why do rednecks act like such morons?'' ""Who says they're acting?"""

"Why couldn't the pregnant horse sing? Because she was getting a little hoarse"

"On his first day, my gay friend lost his job at the sperm bank. He was caught drinking on the job."

"4-year-old: What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door? Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific? 4: No reason."

"God *up on a chair, shrieking*: GET IT GET IT Mrs God: You know they're more afraid of you than you are of them *gently sweeps man outside*"

"I would like an Instagram feed of the piles of shit people push out of the way to get the perfect shots in their homes."

"I asked Luke Perry what today's date was, and he said... 9/02/10! This joke is only funny today, once in a lifetime joke! Spread the love"