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Joke of the Day

"I'm pitching a prison dating show called 'America's Next Top Bottom'"

"If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better or it will be curtains for us."

"The new Batman is super realistic -- he's attracted to porch lights, makes your girlfriend scream and then the cat eats him"

"If you're upset about seeing a middle finger on TV, you're going to shit yourself when you see everything else going on in the world."

"What breaks every time you give it to a toddler? Their pelvis."

"When I lose my glasses I become a horrible plumber because I can't see shit."

"I go in hard, I come in soft, you blow me. What am I? Gum."

"So if he didn't invent the internet... then why does everything in it run on ""Al Gore rhythms""?"

"What happens if you plug your electric blanket into the toaster? You pop up all night."

"Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station."