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Joke of the Day

"Venus Williams should marry Bruno Mars and become Venus Mars."

"What did the toilet say when he was hitting on another toilet? On a scale from one to ten, urinate."

"I've decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn't want to do it at first but apparently it's for blind and disabled kids so I think I've got a good chance of winning"

"Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane? He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale."

"Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean."

"I went to the canary islands ... and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries. I also went to the virgin islands, and believe it or not, I didn't see any canaries there either."

"ME: You've put on weight DRACULA: No I haven't. Prove it ME: When you fly, how many bats do you turn into? DRACULA: [deep sigh] A shitload"

"Where do beers go to pick up girls? Ho Gardens"

"My friend left his job at a nut factory... Cause they paid him peanuts..."

"I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live."