501

Joke of the Day

"[At the coroners' to identify a body] Me: ""Yep. That's a body all right."""

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"I like my women they way I like my wine 15 years old and locked in the basement."
"What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?!? Pecan, typically."
"I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up."
"Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU"
"How does Winnie the Pooh open his honey pot? With his bear hands. Thank the Chive for that one."
"Sidebar the Numbered Jokes joke, start linking reposts and numbering them For science"
"Donald Trump wrote a lot of books on business Most of them end on chapter 11"
"""Do you have a problem with drugs?"" ""Nah, I don't have a problem with drugs. I like all of them."""
"Yoga? No thank you. I'll download an app to my phone so I don't have to stretch for the remote."