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Joke of the Day

"I've removed swim with dolphins from my bucket list. Mainly cos I can't swim and drowning with dolphins doesn't have quite the same appeal."

"????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- ""Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."""

"If Jehovah's witnesses brought red wine and Pringles with them, I'd gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion."

"I cleaned my fan today The difference it made just blew me away..."

"What do Little Miss Moffat and Saddam Hussein have in common? They both have curds in their whey."

"What do you call a droid that always takes the longest route? R2 Detour."

"[alligator store] Clerk: $1500. Thanks Me: not gonna say bye to him? Clerk: uh Me: say it Clerk: goodbye Me: say ""see you later alligator"""

"[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: ""what can I get u?"" ""do u have any eucalyptus?"" *restaurant goes quiet*"

"Life would be so much easier if it had an unfollow button."

"Knock knock Who's there? Abby. Abby who. A bee has stolen my wallet. (I will show my self out)"