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Joke of the Day
"I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry."
Next Joke
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alva ! Alva who ? Alva heart !"
"what's it called when you're secretly a norse god? you're low key loki"
"Shitting myself about this Ebola situation... Which is worrying, because that's one of the symptoms."
"You know what sucks? Vacuum cleaners"
"[hospital] ""The results are in. I'm afraid you have Bad Priorities Disease. You have 1 month to live."" But does my hair look good?"
"The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn't, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles"
"If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth ... ... then it is at least somewhat likely that something very gay is going into your mouth at one point in time or another. Get it?"
"How many dads does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore."
"Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said ""What ya doin'?"" She said ""Buying luggage."""