49660

Joke of the Day

"Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I'm a stupid fucking mature adult."

"What gets easier to pick up, the more it weighs? Women"

"My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me."

"My ex wife is going through pms, I know this because my car is on fire."

"TIFU by climbing into a German U-Boat Whoops. Wrong sub."

"There is probably a lot of ATM security camera footage of me rocking the fuck out."

"Wait, so when couples are in custody battles it's to KEEP the kids? #WTF"

"The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep."

"If you have to ask if something is racist, it's probably racist. If you insist something you've said is not racist, it's probably racist."

"Happy International Women's Day Or its better known name, Just Another Made Up Holiday No One Gives A Fuck About Day. or my favorite, Tuesday."