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Joke of the Day

"I found Alan Rickman in the grocery store yesterday... Jk"

"The poster for a Homeless shelter's charity orchestra night reads... Come on down to the shelter and blow some Oboes!"

"What did the winner of the not moving contest get? Atrophy"

"My wife once told me that she ingested fecal matter while in the womb I like to give her crap about it."

"How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. They're efficient and don't have humour."

"Jesus christ, guys! Can we stop arguing about politics for ONE second and change subject to something more lighthearted? So what are your guys' thoughts on abortion?"

"Interviewer : So you're super fast at math? Me : Yup I : Ok, what's 346x48? Me : 804 I : That's not correct Me : Fast though."

"""Shh...it took an hour, but I think he's finally asleep."" *fireworks go off outside* *opens window* I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE"

"I can't let my girlfriend leave me I'd lose a hand"

"It Looks Like a Booger But it's SNOT!"