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Joke of the Day

"I don't mind hopping on the bandwagon every once in a while, but seriously, it's 2010. Buy a fucking car already."

"Why is the number '9' like a peacock? It's nothing without its tail."

"What's brown and rhymes with ""snoop""? Dr. Dre"

"Toddler misbehaves, but follows it up with throwing his hands in the air and yelling ""Ta-da!"" so he won't get in trouble. Stealing it."

"What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite."

"What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine? The hippocampus."

"Anyone: I'm cold Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I'm not your mother Dog: *shivers once* Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE"

"The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit."

"Your mom doesn't understand Your dad doesn't understand Your friends don't understand But french fries, french fries understand you"

"What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine? ""Cri-me-a river!"""