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Joke of the Day

"What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine? ""Cri-me-a river!"""

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None because feminists can't change anything."

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees, i thought she was joking... then i saw her face..."

"""Sorry I'm late"" Why are there scratches all over your face? ""Jujitsu training"" You can scratch in jujitsu? ""It's my cat's best move"""

"My life is boring, I'm a shitty photographer and I don't know how to write. So anyway, what should I call my blog?"

"We get it. If your candidate doesn't win in November, you're moving to the whitest English speaking country you can drive to."

"When I'm away from my girlfriend, I feel incomplete... ... But I love it when we're together again, because she makes me feel hole."

"[me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?"

"Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?"

"What do tight jeans and a cheap hotel have in common? No ballroom"