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Joke of the Day

"My daughter, filling out a college app, called me at home to get my home number. Big shout out to the ex-wife for pissing in my gene pool."

"How the does man give his dead batteries away? Free of charge, of course."

"What insulator has the greatest electrical resistance? your mohm"

"Do you know that opening windows make the wifi slower. It's because the wifi signal goes out the window."

"850: Number of nukes Sarah Palin would have dropped on North Carolina in the last few hours if she were President. #korea"

"I would NOT want to have to pay Carly Rae Jepsen's phone bill."

"I'm anti-semantic but I don't know how to say it."

"Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. That very same day, Chuck Norris received an award for masturbating in public."

"How do you kill a one-legged fox? Tell it to run across canada ;) boom! Too soon?"

"Before you tell me anything about your kid you should know I'm going to mentally leave my body."