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Joke of the Day

"I was invited to a party... 'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too."

"Lady came to front door & asked if I'd donate to new pool they're building for kids. I told her to hang on & came back with a glass of water"

"When the girl working the counter says ""would you like fries with that?"" say..""are you calling me fat??"" then burst into tears. Free meal."

"Me: I wish for a lightsaber. Genie: Be realistic. Me: Ok, I wish for a boyfriend. Genie: Would you like your lightsaber in blue or green?"

"I'm making a graph on my previous exs It has an Ex axis and a Why axis."

"I just heard ""on avarage, there are 7 people in the world that look similar to you"" omg bless you all, I hope you're all okay, I'm so sorry"

"I don't know why people still want to become veterinarians... ...they all end up homeless."

"Boobs are the original WMD's. Weapons of Man's Destruction."

"Why did all the black people die in the war? Because when they captain said, ""GET DOWN!"" They all started dancing.."

"What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive."