49049

Joke of the Day

"*Steals parking spot from guy backing in* Him:*middle finger* Me: [rolls down window] I SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. I ALSO AM NOT MARRIED"

"Give a man a hamburger and you feed him for a day; teach a man to hamburgle and you feed him for a lifetime."

"I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula. I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change."

"""..,you will die in seven days"" *creepy voice on the phone* Me; ""new phone, who dis?"""

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is a hardware problem."

"What computer monitor sings the best? A Dell."

"Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day."

"A man with a lute... ..went to the pub for a drink, but the bouncer stopped him and said, ""Sorry mate, you're bard."""

"A mathematician walks into a pizza shop... They request one pie. Upon getting a full pizza, they exclaim, ""You gave me twice as many radians as I asked for!"""

"An oldie but a goodie: What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhardt Sr. have in common? Their last biggest hit was The Wall"