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Joke of the Day

"A man with a lute... ..went to the pub for a drink, but the bouncer stopped him and said, ""Sorry mate, you're bard."""

"Sometimes, I like to drink and play guitar..."

"What does a man and a linoleum floor have in common? If you lay 'em right, you can walk on them for 20 years."

"My girlfriend left me for a midget the other day. This broke my heart I couldn't believe she would stoop so low."

"*gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!"

"I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written."

"Why do vampire's use linux? Because they don't like windows in their house. Ba^Dum^Tss"

"People who cheer at concerts when a musician says the name of their city are the most easily impressed people on earth."

"I know a thousand ways to kill a man, and pretty much all of them are with an XBOX controller."

"Assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming, the thai food delivery boy who you assumed was from Thailand but is actually Chinese."