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Joke of the Day
"""..,you will die in seven days"" *creepy voice on the phone* Me; ""new phone, who dis?"""
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"Ninjas are like virgins.... No one ever sees them coming"
"What musical instrument should you never, ever trust? The Lyre."
"Selfie... Because it's important to realize that it's not the photographer who is making you look ugly."
"How do you know if someone's vegan? Someone else will make a vegan joke, then when the vegan points out that non vegans refer to veganism more than vegans do, some jackass will say ""found the vegan"""
"What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers."
"A normal knock-knock joke ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Are you."" ""Are you who?"" ""Stop speaking incorrect grammar and get out of my house!"""
"[spider confronting me] him: yo did you steal my coat? me: [wearing 8-sleeved coat] no this is mine"
"[boxing match] Commentator: Silva is in the red shorts with green, white & yellow trim Me: the black guy. Just say Silva is the black guy"
"When I get a dog I'm going to name it syndrome"