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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!"

"If a stork makes white babies, and a crow makes black babies, what makes no babies? A Swallow"

"I'm starting a dating app for people who live in Eastern Virginia I'm calling it Chesapeake BAE"

"Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily"

"The only double penetrating I'll ever do is eating the double stuff Oreo I just dropped into my coffee."

"What does a Russian use to wipe their mouth? ... a soviet"

"I'm going to start an education program aimed at changing kids' reading habits to post-rapture Christian novels. It's called ""no, child, 'Left Behind!'"""

"What does an army of fire ants have in common with a horny dolphin? Both come in waves."

"Q: What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan? (Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end"

"Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?"