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Joke of the Day

"I've got an Intracranial Embolism... ...at least, that's what my doctor told him when I mentioned that I had Bad Blood stuck in my head."

"I already regret my choice of Julliard to win the NCAA."

"Please take the smartphone away from your pets, they are spamming your Facebook with selfies."

"What type of sense of humor does a dust storm have? -A very dry sense of humor"

"Did you hear about the Mexican Army's new weapons? Everyone was issued a nail gun."

"If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ... try breaking a condom."

"[sees cute girl at the bar] ok it's go time [makes accidental eye contact with her while pumping myself up with some lunges] dammit. abort"

"""What if I took the dumbest person I know, got them severely drunk, and challenged them to finish my sentences?"" -- inventor of Autocorrect"

"He died doing what he loved, checking his mentions while driving."

"Ben Carson ZZZzzzzzz"