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Joke of the Day

"Wife: He makes puns all the time Therapist: You should punish him Husband: But every punishment to be different"

"I like my women how I like my coffee.. Mugged"

"""Sooo sorry I fell asleep during your wedding. It was rude but your vows were like SO long. Anyway, you may now kiss the bride"""

"You'd think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor"

"Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?"

"Whenever i am lonely or depressed my piano makes me feel better... Its an appreciating asset."

"How did they get from one floor of the Death Star to another? In the elevader!"

"Optimism and Pessimism Optimist: The glass is half full. Pessimist: The glad is half empty. Journalist: The glass is a victim of discrimination by White Christian Conservatives."

"A tattered rope walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey, are you a lasso?"" The rope replies, ""Sorry, I'm a frayed knot."""

"my whole right leg fell asleep and my left leg is drawing dicks all over it wtf"