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Joke of the Day

"A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother "" wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?"" The new mother replied "" I don't know, he wore a hat"""

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"They won't give me insurance on my phones anymore, but yet they don't make phones that survive being thrown against walls? It's nonsense..."

"Do you really have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans or can you be a big fat giant monster? (asking for my big fat friend, Colleen)."

"I drink every time I tell a bad joke. Hey, it's worth a shot."

"I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. ""What's this for?"" He asked. ""A pay rise."" I replied. ""My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."""

"What did the incestual burger say to his son who's leaving for college? Meat again soon. Nice buns by the way (Lettuce keep that between us)."

"what if in airbud they put the dog in and they didnt win that coach would feel stupid"

"[art store] You do free framing? ""With any purchase"" Ok, just this pencil and [slides a gun with wife's fingerprints] you know what to do"

"Why do people throw coins into foutains? Why do people throw coins into fountains? I don't know, doesn't make any cents."