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Joke of the Day

"I lent my deck of cards to an this idiot I work with, and he gave me only 51 back. He was a jack-off."

"My mind is a micro-government, fighting wars of its own creation for profit."

"Gotta hand it to babies... ...because their short, stupid little arms can't reach anything"

"Did you hear about the one asian guy who failed calculus? He was the odd Nguyen out."

"*grammar police reads ransom note* ""Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead"" *grammar cop dies* ""Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"""

"QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure? ANSWER: Ask a woman her age."

"Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague? They needed a system of Czechs and balances."

"Why did the fence get busted for having stolen goods? Because it got grassed up by the lawn."

"Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening."

"Why did the blonde avoid eating cereal? Every box had, in huge letters, ""0mg cholesterol!"""