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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague? They needed a system of Czechs and balances."

"If Jesus loves me how come he's never liked a single one of my instagram selfies"

"This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students? Because they'll work for p naughts."

"Me=dad make me a sandwich dad prove you are a sandwich"

"[1st day as judge] Murderer: [waves at me] Me [waves back]: He seems nice Lawyer: He killed six people Me: He probably didn't mean it"

"Why did John F. Kennedy die? He was too open-minded."

"Oh your baby's name is Walter? Is he close to retirement?"

"For most, bikini season lasts a few short summer months, but I catch enough & store them so efficiently I can eat bikini all year round."

"what do you call a young, green Pumpkin for Halloween? A premature e-Jack-O'-Lantern."

"I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said ""You're pulling my leg"""