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Joke of the Day

"The EU referendum I liken the EU referendum to being in a pitch black room with two men in a mandatory rape scenario with both of them telling you theirs is the smallest."

"Thanks for painting the cell towers green so they look like trees, California, but can you paint the homeless like pavement next?"

"Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always ""KILL"" or ""MURDER"" or ""YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"""

"Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish... And you are missing out on a lucrative business opportunity."

"PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher ""can i use the bathroom?"" ""i don't know, CAN you?"" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*"

"officer it's my son's car ""just make it stop sir"" I don't know how ""can you call him"" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*"

"Like a good neighbor, StateFarm is..."

"A B-grade nursing student asked the Professor of Urology for his opinion of her ""Urinate"""

"Microsoft is like a stripper. They don't like you, but they act like they do so you can give them more money."

"A communist tells his friend before going to bed, ""I'm going to take a nap."" He wakes up as a libertarian."