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Joke of the Day

"Today I got a job offer as a Mexican child kidnapper... ...Gracias, pero no pedo."

"When that guy on the train woke up and stretched, I don't think he liked it when I scratched his head and said ""Who's a big kitty?!"""

"""Son, do you know why we named you Easter Bunny?"" *sigh* ""Because you don't b-"" ""BECAUSE WE DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU"""

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter."

"I like my women like I like my wine. About 20 years old and locked in my cellar."

"Why are gay people such good swimmers? because they are flambuoyant"

"What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Just put it on my bill."

"I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry."

"My mother-in-law talked non-stop while we watched Criminal Minds and now I have an idea for a cool new episode."

"Radio from an American boat: Mayday, mayday. We are sinking! Radio back from a German rescue ship: What are you sinking about?"