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Joke of the Day

"is thinking that with their track record, buying condoms at a BP station is just taking too big a risk!"

"[drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar] give me another ""haven't u had enough?"" i'll tell u when i've had enough! *bartender hands me another kitten*"

"What is the hungriest mineral that exists? Apatite"

"I like to wear latex gloves to the doctor. Then he knows I can quickly retaliate if he gets too handsy."

"I just rolled a joint... Now my ankle hurts Edit: You did not expect that!"

"I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we're all gonna die in 2012"

"Not all women are good at multi-tasking I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen."

"what did the tampon say to the other tampon as they passed each other in the street? NSFW nothing. they were both stuck up cunts!"

"What do call a whore in Alaska? An eskihoe"

" I'm like a bird, I'll only swim away, I don't know what a bird is "