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Joke of the Day

"Roman Centurion walks into a bar... ...holds up two fingers and says, ""I'll have five beers, please."""

"Tifu by having sex with my friend's dumb bitch I guess bestiality isn't common where hes from."

"I spent the last hour repeatedly pressing F5 It's pretty refreshing."

"I'm not real good about sharing my feelings unless I hate you."

"Why LOTR is a metaphor for life. Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!"

"Packing for a trip, Husband says I don't need to overpack. It is so cute how he thinks I'm coming back."

"Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?"

"""Don't dip your pen in company ink."" - HR training seminar explaining why I shouldn't sleep with the receptionist...I think."

"My wife and I agreed to only smoke after sex. I've had the same pack of cigarettes for 6 months... She's up to 2 packs a day."

"Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach? Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him."