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Joke of the Day

"Tifu by having sex with my friend's dumb bitch I guess bestiality isn't common where hes from."

"All I'm saying is that the Care Bears gave me some very unrealistic expectations."

"I wrote your name in the snow You should recognize it. It was your mom's handwriting."

"Why LOTR is a metaphor for life. Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!"

"I'm starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist's office."

"That's it. The next time a relative asks me if I have a boyfriend, I'm going to say ""no, I'm just sleeping around""."

"So I heard Nicki Minaj once wanted to kill herself. And her song comes on and I think why didn't she?"

"What do you call your last girlfriend's vagina? Xbox"

"I wonder if Morgan Freeman talks himself to sleep every night."

"My 6yo daughter's teacher just gave me a ""Most Improved Ponytail"" award."