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Joke of the Day

"It's so obvious that she wants me. She avoids me at all costs probably because her feelings are so strong for me. Yeah, I'll go with that."

"One I made up..... What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle? A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh."

"What did the lifeguard say to the hippie? You're too far out, man."

"After a tornado tore through town, thankfully no one was hurt. The trees were stripped bare, though. God breathed a sigh of releaf."

"Take your husband's last name. Take his first name. Take his social. Assume his identity. Hide the body in a closet. You're the husband now."

"If cupids didnt have wings, theyd just be fat little baby assassins with crossbows."

"To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones."

"Why did the bike not go to the gym? BECAUSE IT WAS TOO TIRED :D:D:D:D:D:D"

"I was walking down the street one day.. and a man threw a bit of cheese at my head, i turned to him and said; 'oh, real mature mate'."

"What do you call a spanish speaking Coffee Translatte."