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Joke of the Day

"What's better than winning the Special Olympics? Not being retarded."

"Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, ""I don't know. I don't speak Chinese."" Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means."

"Did you hear the one about the amber alert? Neither did the children in my basement."

"If you need a friend (text me) need a laugh (call me) need a hug (stop by) need money (this number is no longer in service)"

"Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair (Dont hate me)"

"I'd like to teach the world to sing. And while everyone's busy, I'd go watch a movie without people talking through it."

"It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart."

"Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)"

"What do you call an ant with frog's legs? An antphibian."

"What do you call a hippopotamus that's a gigalo? A hit-the-spotimus."