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Joke of the Day
"the most American thing I've done today is pay $5 for a pre-sliced apple"
Next Joke
"I'm so sick of this new year's jokes I've been hearing them all year."
"I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights... The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights."
"A pirate walls into a bar And he has a ships wheel attached to his belt buckle. The bartender says ""what's with the ships wheel on your belt buckle?"" The pirate responds ""Aaarr! It's drivin me nuts!"""
"In future period films set in the late 2000s/early 2010s, I hope they accurately portray all 16:9 televisions showing stretched 4:3 content."
"I've never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face."
"When I die I want my skeleton turned into a xylophone. Just like the good ol' days."
"Hand holding: You know why men hold their wife's/ girlfriend's hand in shopping malls? Because if he doesn't , she will shop."
"I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day... Or you can just take the whole thing."
"Romney: ""I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."""