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Joke of the Day

"I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights... The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights."

"I have batlike reflexes. -You mean catlike reflexes? *screeches real loud right in your face to locate food and avoid obstacles*"

"I have so much money it's kind of gay Because I'm rolling in Bills"

"Why can't ISIS members go fuck themselves? Because sex with animals is haram."

"What do you get when you smash two old protons together in the large hadron collider a muon."

"I did a Marquez impression in the hood... ... I was the magical realest."

"What does a sheep call a film it doesn't like? a baaahhhd movie. ( )"

"What do you call a pile of kittens? A Meowntain"

"The new Exorcist movie plot: Family hires the devil to get a priest out of her son!"

"The talk -Dad, am I adopted? -Not yet, we still haven't found anyone who wants you"