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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something."

"Mother's may get a day, but shark's get a whole week! Mom sharks get 1 week AND a day. ...don't even get me started on black shark moms."

"Why did the pig send his story to New York? He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue."

"i feel like this year's fibonacci conference will be as big as the last two combined!"

"Its the last day of the year.... Just felt I should thank everyone who made me smile this year. You are one of them so here's a big THANK YOU."

"A cannibal with diarrhea cloned himself for dinner. He shit himself."

"If you run through an airport yelling ""Marybeth I love you don't go!"" then you can cut through so many lines of people who like romance."

"The U.S. will soon have the first first lady that was not born in the U.S. Vladimir Putin"

"What do you call an obese woman with a rape whistle? Optimistic."

"I'd rather the Ring girl pop out of my TV than have the ""Congratulations you have won an iPhone"" voice ever scare the shit out of me again."