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Joke of the Day

"Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend"

"Tombstone request: Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin. The engraver shortened it to: "" Returned unopened."""

"How does a physicist exercise? By pumping ion!"

"You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad. I'm talking about belts, of course. What did you think!?"

"The memory on my phone is FIFA'ed Sorry.....Corrupt."

"A friend asked me to do their hair for a rastafarian party... I'm dreading it"

"Hi, I'm here to see the doctor. -me Witch doctor? -reception Nooo...I think he's Jewish. -me [blank stare] Please sit down."

"Why are baby cows considered lunch meat? Because calves are below-knee"

"I want to take my dream girl on a traction engine ride Things will get steamy pretty quickly."

"I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car. I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize."