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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by posting in the wrong subreddit. Shit I thought this was /r/irony"

"I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said ""I still love Vista baby!"""

"The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother."

"""Hey! check out my new ink"" *removes shirt, stands naked* ""Dude!, I don't see anything"" ""It's invisible ink"""

"Eomer gets off of his horse and says, ""What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"" A nearby horseman answers, ""Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"""

"I like my coffee how I like my women... Cold and bitter"

"I just got LASIK done and I highly recommend it to everyone thinking about it. 20/20, would do again."

"""It's pronounced poor-shah, not por-shh."" ""Ok, got it doo-shah."""

"My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary."

"FARMER: The storm destroyed half our crops TRUMP: Have you thought about taking the existing crops and just sort of combing them over th"