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Joke of the Day

"I just got LASIK done and I highly recommend it to everyone thinking about it. 20/20, would do again."

"Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says, ""Gosh, it's hot in here"", and the other sausage says, ""JESUS CRIST, IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE"""

"Jared to plead guilty to charges. Sorry wrong sub."

"Don't you hate double standards? If a girl sleeps with a lot of guys she is called a slut, but when a guy does it he is called a homosexual."

"I bumped into Brad Pitt the other day They say you shouldn't meet your heroes, but I think Brad handled it really well."

"Getting up Is only the second hardest thing in the morning."

"What's the difference between Russian football fans and an old drunkard in a bar at closing time? Kicking the old drunkard out won't start world war III."

"I gave my baby a teething toy so she would stop chewing on my fingers. She wasn't interested because it didn't scream out in pain."

"What kind of tumors do tough guys get? Heman-giomas"

"""You'll be visited by 3 ghosts."" ""Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?"" ""No, they'll try to eat you."" Pac-Man Christmas Carol"