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Joke of the Day

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes"

"invemtor of fruit-by-the-foot: [stares blankley at a roll of toilet paper for hours] WAIT I'VE GOT IT"

"Why use words you don't understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis."

"John only wants to fuck virgins. He's such a cherry dicker"

"Shoepidity... wearing ridiculously uncomfortable shoes just because they look good."

"I never buy a new couch without first seeing what it looks like with five loads of laundry piled on top of it."

"What do you call a French pole vaulter? A Leap Frog"

"What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus himself? You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus."

"2 Jews walk into a bar.... They buy it."

"I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom."