47423

Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: [looking through file] Are you still disruptive at nap time? Me: Wow, they weren't kidding about that permanent record thing."

"Women shouldn't have to be in prison for more than a month. Because their period should be the end of their sentence."

"What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist? A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store."

"A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar... And the bartender asks, ""What'll ya have, Mr. President?"""

"Funeral Emily died last week after she fell in the lake. It's a shame she never learned how to swim. We brought a life preserver to her funeral. It's what she would have wanted."

"New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep... Meat and wool. (Exchange for Welshmen if need be)"

"What do you call a Japanese Transvestite? Nip Tuck"

"A man's falling from the 50th floor of a skyscraper. When he gets to the 15th floor, he looks down and says, ""So far so good."""

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandpa... and not like the rest of the family screaming in the backseat"

"I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost."