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Joke of the Day

"I was holding my cousin's baby when I shouted SPOILER ALERT: LIFE SUCKS & that's why I'm no longer allowed to hold my cousin's baby"

"Did you hear the tragic news about Robin Williams? He's considering a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel."

"An old man died while having sex. (NSFW) He really went out with a bang."

"*Meeting GF parents* What are your intentions with our daughter? Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me"

"My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation."

"A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?"

"Whenever I see a person with a yoga mat... I tell them to get bent."

"My girlfriend dreamt that I slept with her friend... So I tried to reassure her. I said, ""Baby. Please. That's crazy - I have never slept with your friend. Trust me, you've never even met the girl""."

"Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas. Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160."

"There was a documentary on TV about the world's smallest car. I couldn't get into it."