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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman? She committed soya-cide."

"[to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? ""ugh I can't wait to go home"" know who else wanted to go home"

"Uuhhhhckkk. Pants are the worst."

"I quit drugs, and it made everyone happy. Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore."

"Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

"50 Cent has filed for bankruptcy, he will now be known as 50. Story is he doesn't have a cent to his name. *drops the mic walks away*"

"What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common? They only have one good ball."

"The iPhone 6 Plus sold very well. It was a huge 6s!"

"Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents! ...I'll see myself out."

"What is a racists favorite Disney film? 101 Damn'Asians."